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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24315844">Simmer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrMissMrsRandom/pseuds/MrMissMrsRandom'>MrMissMrsRandom</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wrath and Rage [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Seisen no Keifu | Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War, Fire Emblem: Thracia 776</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Biting, Dragon Blood Messes You Up, Exile, Friendship, Frottage, Fulfilled Longing, Gen, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Final Holy War</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:14:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24315844</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrMissMrsRandom/pseuds/MrMissMrsRandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Through many twists and turns, Hawk finds a perch to rest.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hawk/Asaa | Arthur, Hawk/Sety | Ced</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wrath and Rage [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727434</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Simmer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/winecup/gifts">winecup</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hawk had seen the work of gods before, but this was the first time it was to perform a miracle and not wreaking havoc on many, many bodies. As he watched the crown princess Julia lay her hands on the god that masqueraded as a tactician for so long, he couldn’t look away from the scene, even to see how his lord reacted to it. It was something that one could not look away from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was only a moment, but Hawk watched as shimmering incandescence surrounded the two, making it hard to see their actual faces, and for a moment, Hawk thought he felt the presence of not one, but two divine entities, and heard the faint rumble of a great beast, and the beat of large wings. But as soon as it came, it passed, and Lewyn’s body collapsed to the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Father!” Ced yelled out, rushing forward beside Fee as they came to help him to his feet, despite one of his arms still healing from Naga’s blessing. It was only a moment, but Hawk thought he saw a flash of sorrow pass Julia’s face as she stepped back. He had heard that Forseti had looked after her as she grew up. As his lord and his sister regained a father, perhaps she lost one, to be added among the list of many that had now left this life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enjoying the family reunion?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A familiar voice drew him out of his morbid thoughts, and he turned to look at him. He looked far better with a few weeks rest in him, rather than the supernatural unconsciousness from a well-aimed Sleep staff, a fact of which Hawk found himself grateful for. Though he had felt a gut uneasiness around the younger man when he first met him covered in the blood of his enemies, he had grown to have an odd fondness for Arthur over the course of the war. For good and for ill, he reminded him of many of the children he grew up within the Loptous Sect, ones that did not hold as ‘esteemed’ blood or privileges that would be molded by dogfight after dogfight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “As much as an interloper can.” But his voice is light instead of defensive. He knows he’s an outsider here, only allowed to be a witness because of his continued fealty to Ced. If his past came to light, all of that would be taken away, along with his head. “What about you? I thought you would be halfway to Velthomer by now. Or to castle Friege.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>During the new emperor’s crowning ceremony, Hawk heard that the various duchies had been bequeathed to their first in line heirs. As the eldest recognized male relative left to the Thrud and Fjalar lines, Arthur had received a windfall of titles and lands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I declined both,” Arthur said, rubbing the back of his head. “I gave the title of Duchess of Friege to Tine, and once things have settled, Julia will be taking authority in Velthomer. Both of them are better at politics than I’ll ever be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk was shocked. All that power and land, and he didn’t take it? “Isn’t that… irresponsible?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In what way?” His eyes flashed back at him. “More than having the people deal with some hick foreigner, or live a life being coddled as the empress’ brother?” He snorted. “That’s not me. It was never a life I wanted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what do you want?” Hawk asked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur shrugged. “I have my whole life now to figure that out. What about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur looked back at the Silessian royal family. “Does the illustrious Sir Hawk want to spend the rest of his life as a bystander in someone else’s life?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is my choice,” Hawk responded. “And I think a life assisting Lord Ced is a worthy enough one for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was far better than returning to that darkness he grew up in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur’s frown hardened. “How is your choice any better than mine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying it’s better, but… ” At least it was a choice that Hawk made. Arthur didn’t seem to be making any, yet he couldn’t find a way to say that out loud, and tried to shift the conversation back to him. “Where will you go then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Hawk thought to suggest returning to Silesse with them. It would make sense, and they could use another wind mage on their side. But before he could suggest it, Arthur responded with an answer he did not expect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Agustrian campaign is leaving tomorrow,” Arthur replied. “I’m going to join them. If reclaiming that dominion is even half as frustrating as getting through Grannvale, they’re going to need extra help.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That decision didn’t sound any better, or half as thought out as Hawk had hoped. “Why Agustria? Why not stay here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because that’s not me. It was never what I wanted.” Arthur said point-blank. “Tine will be safe with Seliph, and that’s all I wanted.” He then shifted his position. “Anyway, figured I would tell you, and something else since you’re heading back to Silesse. I think Fee is friends with your sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk paused. “How did you know I had a sister?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cousin, aunt three times removed, whatever, I just guessed,” Arthur rubbed at his nose. “... She doesn’t look that much like you, but your… nose is similar. Just something I noticed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Arthur, that could be anyone,” Hawk gently chided, but then decided to press further. “Is her name Hermina?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur nodded. “Yeah, it is. Just letting you know, so go ask Fee for more if you want to talk to get her information.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me know when and where you settle in Agustria so I can write to you,” Hawk said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...” Arthur didn’t reply, and continued walking away. Hawk sighed. Well, he shouldn’t expect them to be on friendly terms when their lives were going in different directions. Perhaps it was too much of an effort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk left on the opposite side of the room to make preparations for the Silessian royal family’s departure. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Based on his background, Hawk had offered to join part of the taskforce Ced made to find remnants of the Loptous cult in the kingdom. Though he was too young to remember the faces of people his father interacted with, he knew they followed similar protocol and chains of command as in the Manster District. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got along with Amid and Misha, but he couldn’t say that the three of them were especially close. Amid had been a leader in the Silessian rebellion against Grannvale’s occupation, while Misha fought alongside Prince Leif during his campaign, and was already a renowned mercenary before becoming the new Commander of the Angelic Knights. Though he would not diminish his own know-how, he still felt partially inferior to his colleagues, no matter how successful their raids were, how many children they saved from the terrible fate of a life of darkness and indoctrination. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was the one in charge of soothing the children, though. Maybe that was an advantage he had over the other two. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ced took to kingship just as Hawk imagined he would: with all the grace and sense of duty he could uphold. That at least did not change, and Hawk felt his whole body grow light as he watched the man he had sworn to follow wherever he led come into his own. What was unexpected however, was that he spoke regularly with the king’s father. He remained as an advisor in theory, but he spent most days in a courtyard of the palace, playing a tune on his fife that Hawk did not recognize. He was so much different from the eyes that would pierce into his very being and make him squirm, but they still held a calculated intelligence. Lewyn would call him over to join him with tea, and they would talk about a variety of subjects. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad Ced is taking to the role well,” Lewyn said during one of these conversations. “Takes after his mother and grandmother that way. He’ll make a far better king than I ever would.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk noted the ‘would’ phrasing. “So all those years… Forseti was the one in control?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mostly,” Lewyn replied, looking at the fife in his hands. “He tried a few times to wake me up, but I had died after all, it was like… I could hear him, and I could see the world, could feel it all, but I could never find my voice. So, Forseti took my wishes to his own interpretation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds awful,” Hawk said, and was shocked that Lewyn replied with a shrug. “It is not? To live like that for nearly two decades?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was something I knew could happen,” Lewyn said. “I never expected it to get so bad, but that’s life.” His expression turned more somber. “I wish… I had more time, though, back then. But I am far luckier than many of my other friends.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That phrasing made Hawk worry. “Will… Lord Ced someday…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will Hawk look at his face, and see someone else looking back?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ced is stronger than I am in a lot of ways, including with bargaining with Forseti’s will.” Lewyn replied with a smile. “I wouldn’t worry about that. Besides, he has something… someone keeping him in check.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk felt his face heat up, and he looked down. He wanted to say that if Ced heard him say that, it would reflect poorly on Queen Erinys, but he found it difficult to respond, and Lewyn simply continued playing his tune. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It had been a year since they returned to Silesse when Canis was discovered in one of their raids. Hawk raised his hand to cast a Lightning spell on one of the robed figures beside him, allowing his shadowed face to come into focus, like a torch in the darkness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And for a moment, they stood there, staring at each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In his mind, ever since they crossed paths during the battle of Manster, Hawk wished that his father was dead on some battlefield, felled by another’s hand. It was a terrible thing to wish, that was not the fate they were given. Now… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk raised his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Canis looked at him in the face, and Hawk remembered how he let his tiny hands trace over his face when he was afraid of the dark in the caverns, to reassure him his father was here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone who remains, yield.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” Amid turned to him in shock, then anger. “This man is wearing the robes of a high official!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Misha lowered her sword, looking concerned, but Hawk did not respond to them, instead turning back to Canis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Yield.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dark tome in Canis’s hands fell. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Everyone except Sir Hawk, leave us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Canis had tried during their journey back to talk to him. How he was only relying on old friends to try and return to his mother and sister. To go to a peaceful life. Hawk did not respond, ordering him to be sent to the dungeon. After what Canis did, he did not deserve a peaceful retirement. And perhaps Hawk didn’t deserve redemption.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Hawk still fell to his knees. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lord Ced, I beg you not to kill him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The expression Ced had on his face was the coldest he had ever seen on it, harking to the snow-laden hills of their home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are asking too much of me, Hawk,” Ced replied, standing up from his throne, and Hawk heard the wind howl outside with the gentle sweep of robes on the ground. “General Canis… betrayed this kingdom.” His hands closed into a fist. “He told the Friege troops how to invade, he gave away key information on the positions of our troops. He killed my grandmother in this very room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk bowed his head. “I know, I-- am sorry, Lord Ced, but I cannot stop my entreaty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even knowing his crimes? Or is it because the same blood flows in your veins?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The statement felt like a sword to his heart, but then he heard a hiss, and looked up to see Ced clutching the side of his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ced, are you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay back,” Ced bit out, as his eyes opened. His green one glowed an unearthly green, and Hawk felt the sword drive deeper in him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not ask for him to be set free, I never would ask that of you,” Hawk beseeched. “Only for him to be imprisoned. To spend the rest of his life locked up in atonement. That is all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the eye still glowed. “It is not </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Hawk. It isn’t enough for him. One day you could decide to release him, and then I’ll be forced to--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bit back the end of the sentence, but Hawk knew what it meant. For Silesse’s safety, he would be struck down along with his father. It would be Forseti’s will. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will exile myself,” Hawk said. Because there was no other choice. To see his father executed, even if it was justice, would tear his view of Ced apart. And if he stayed, Forseti would not take the chance of a possible traitor in his midst. “Tomorrow, I will leave, and never return to the capital, or to Silesse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wind stopped, the glow dimmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... You would do all this for a man that made your life come to this moment?” Ced’s voice was soft. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Hawk knew he would be gone before his confession could haunt him, his tongue did not still. “It is his choices that lead me to be beside you. For however short it was… that made it worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And once more, Ced knelt to his level, but this time, he pulled him into an embrace. It was the first time he realized how narrow Ced’s shoulders were under the heavy cape, how soft his hair felt against his cheek. The first time and the last.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Tomorrow, you will go,” Ced said. “But you will be with me tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Hawk said, and felt his eyes grow hot. Because he had this, and he would never have it again. “Tonight, I am yours.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The room was lit by a single candle, bathing their bodies in a gentle glow. Hawk sighed as Ced’s lips mouthed at his pulse, while his fingers tangled in his hair. “Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want all of you,” Ced mumbled against his skin. “I thought I had you, but I didn’t. Not like this, when I could have--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk wrapped a hand around them both, making Ced moan. The sound did more to Hawk than his awkward movements, but he continued, tilting Ced’s head back up to join their lips in a kiss. Hawk wanted to say he felt the same, but knew it would only waste what time they had, so he continued his movement, to make sure they could both remember how it felt. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>He left the next morning on foot, only taking what coin and provisions he could carry in a bag. He was glad to have kept his gear from fighting in the Liberation army, and the comfort of returning to cared for and worn clothes instead of heavy furs was the only thing that stopped his mind from spinning into despair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk could not look back. If he looked back, he would think about the scene he left, of the warmth of Ced’s arms around him as they slept. The smell of a burned out candle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lost the only place he had ever wanted. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Agusty is settled in the middle of a long valley with vineyards and dairy farms that offer the best goods in the dominion for the nobility. Though it does not have the proximity to the ocean of Silvail or the strategic placing of castle Nordion, it was a fine area for the crusader Hezul to create his country of knights over a century ago. Thankfully, it also boasted the largest library out of the areas, and Hawk was allowed access to it, provided he got permission from Jeanne, leader of the Cross Knights. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had crossed paths before, while Hawk had first joined the Magi Squad and throughout the course of the war in the Manster District. When he moved, it was a lucky break that she remembered him favorably, and that helped him gain some trust to tend to soldiers, before earning enough to maintain a cottage and work as a general healer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeanne frowned as he finished packing up his notes from his study in the library, noticing his threadbare cloak and gloveless fingers. “You sure you don’t want to stay at court? Winter is coming in soon, and your cottage… no offense, but it doesn’t look very trustworthy in a hard wind.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The friendship did, however, lead to some uncomfortable sidestepping at times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It suits me well enough,” Hawk replied, straightening his side bag. “Besides, there are plenty of healers in the castle. The farmers and weary travelers outside the castle town are not always so lucky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeanne sighed, resting her hands on her hips. “If you say so. Just know that if it ever gets too hard there’s a bed in the barracks for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will be sure to keep that in mind. Oh, but before that,” Hawk rummaged through his patched up robes and took out two letters. One for his mother and sister, who he had started to maintain a correspondence with thanks to speaking with Fee, but only began after beginning his exile. Another was for Lara, who told him she would be settled in Miletos for the winter, and would be able to receive posts instead of simply sending a quick note or trinket from her travels at random. “Do you mind putting these in the post for me when you get the chance?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Oh, sure-- wait. You won’t accept hospitality, but you’ll use me as your delivery lady? Pfft.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apologies, Dame Jeanne,” Hawk smiled, only half strained from the effort. “It slipped my mind. I’ll make it up to you with some herb sachets when I come next time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, very well.” She snatched the letters from his hand, then frowned. “... None addressed to the king, again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“King Ares and I are not exactly drinking pals--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that’s not who I meant, Hawk.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... I’m sorry, Jeanne.” Hawk’s smile turned sadder. Jeanne was his friend, probably his best friend in all of Agustria, but. “It’s just something I can’t talk about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk left the yard before she could try and press him again, heading for the market. He would pick up some supplies on the way home. Though the locals were generous in sharing goods for his services, winter could be a rough time, and he wanted to be able to have enough to live off on as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he walked through the busy streets, his eyes caught a flash of silver and his thoughts stalled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk stopped, frustrating several other pedestrians, and turned to see a man with a long shock of unbound silver hair continue to make his way against the current. He opened his mouth, about to call out, before shutting it tight, and continuing on his way. It would be too hard to try to catch him amidst the many stalls and people trying to make final sales of their harvest before the winter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t confirm if it was Arthur or not, and there was no guarantee he wanted to see him. He never responded to any letters he sent after all. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>After sorting through his purchases for personal and infirmary purposes and finishing off a hearty </span>
  <em>
    <span>garbure</span>
  </em>
  <span> for supper, Hawk had taken to looking over his old letters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He first picked up the latest among Lara’s correspondence, which still faintly smelled of perfume. He was glad that she was keeping up with what he taught her, and told him she even found a few merchants in the caravan that gave her books and logs that would assist with her lessons. Based on her writing and use of language, she had come quite far in only a handful of years of work. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Hawk, </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How are you doing in the soothsayer business? Yeah, you told me you’re a healer, but because you aren’t with the church, people are going to think you’re a kind of shaman, and you should milk that trade for all you can! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Then again, I haven’t had to turn to thieving much these days. Dancing and companionship pays most of my keep, enough to be choosy about my customers. All I’m saying is that when people first meet you, sometimes it’s good to play with their first impressions. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Anyway, since I’ll be in Miletos for awhile, be sure to send me letters! It will be a way for you to pass the time cooped up like brooding chicken. I heard a lady use that saying a few weeks back, and I thought it suited how I think you would look in your cottage. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I won’t ask about Lord Ced again. I should know as much as anyone when to leave the past at peace, but just know, whatever happened, I’m on your side. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lots of love,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lara. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk smiled sardonically. Little did Lara know that if he started calling himself a shaman, it was a surefire way for him to be put to the stake. Some of the elderly had given him cold looks the first time he appeared in his dark robes, taking a few visits to gain their trust. Agustria had a century long history of finding Loptous priests or anyone they feared had the dark god’s blood in their veins. The first lesson Hawk ever learned when he was in training was the horrific end of Galle XVII’s surviving children when they fled to what would be later known as Agustria: felled by the demon blade Mystletainn, corpses burned and ashes scattered to the winds before priests could reach them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A terrible and tragic story, but for many, it was considered the final victory against the horrific reign of the Loptous Empire. Hawk had still found one remaining monument in Agusty that depicted Hezul slicing off the necks of three vipers. A proper euphemistic image than the two youths and eight year old that had been butchered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk decided that was enough reminiscing for one night and began to order his letters evenly back in their box, when he carelessly brushed his hand against the Silessian coat of arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reluctantly, he pulled out the one unopened letter amongst his things. He had received it several months ago, after settling into his new abode. Based on the hand that wrote his name, he had known who had written it immediately. And that was why he could not open it, but also why he could not bear to throw it away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He spent a few more moments holding the letter, then stored it away again, set the lamp on the table just in case someone needed aid during the night, then settled in bed with three blankets in order to keep out the creeping chill. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>In the middle of the night, Hawk was awoken by hard and vigorous knocks to his front door. He rushed up, fumbling to grab his cloak and his lamp, and when he opened the door, he found Arthur standing before him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, unlike the free-flowing mane he saw at the market, his hair now was matted with mud, clothes tattered, and feet bare, covered in terrible blisters. He was about to admonish him for not having shoes on during a cold night like this, but there was an unseeing look in his eyes, no recognition. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Arthur, are you--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, scarred and battered hands reached out to his neck, only to stop midway, a flash of some unknown emotion on Arthur’s face, and then he collapsed at Hawk’s feet, unconscious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This left so many more questions, but after his experiences as a local healer, Hawk had learned a smidge more patience, and simply dragged Arthur to the set up cot that was the sickbed, checked him for further wounds and treated them, then decided to use a rare Mend from his staff, just in case there was internal damage and he didn’t die in his sleep, that was all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he woke up the next morning, Arthur was still asleep, and his condition looked even more pathetic in daylight. He desperately needed a bath, but that would come once he ate something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk prepared a hearty helping of porridge and mixed in his share of dried fruit and honey in it to sweeten the deal. Now came the trouble. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Arthur.” He gently shook his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur’s eyelids tightened, and he turned away from his touch and voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk spoke louder. “Arthur, wake up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No movement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still so childish! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk not too gently yanked his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow!” Arthur said with obvious indignance, turning around to glare at him with dark-rimmed, but clear, blue eyes. “What the fu--?!” His jaw went slack. “... It wasn’t a dream?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He must be referring to last night. “No, I’ll explain while you eat. Then you’ll have your turn. That sound good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur looked at him like he was talking nonsense, until his eyes settled on the porridge. “Deal.” He leaned over, taking the bowl, as Hawk began what he believed to be a long-overdue lecture. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Long story short, Arthur explained that he had made a bet, and the guys he made it with were ‘sore losers’ and robbed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I gave it back good to them, though.” Arthur grinned in a way that made Hawk want to yank his ear again for recklessness, but then Arthur frowned. “I don’t… remember much, after that. I just kept walking, and I think someone told me that there was a healer around these parts that was dirt cheap, so I guess in my daze I got here. But, why are you here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Life had different plans, I guess.” Hawk replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like something I would say. Not like you,” Arthur leaned forward, looking intently at his face. Hawk held his back straight and refused to buckle under the scrutiny. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He must have messed up real bad to lose you.” Arthur said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk let out a humorless laugh. “Why are you so sure that he’s the one that did something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Arthur could respond he took the bowl and stood up to go wash it. “Rest for the day, we can talk more about life later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Yeah. But, Hawk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur gave him a crooked smile, softer than the manic grin or hardened scowl he usual saw on his face. “I’m glad it was your door I knocked on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk didn’t know how to respond to that, so he bit out an awkward “I suppose,” then quickly went off to do regular chores. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Hawk wondered if Arthur had regretted his decision when a youth in the nearby village was carried in with his leg twisted the wrong way after falling off a horse, and that he had to hold him down while Hawk set the bones back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Couldn’t you have used your Mend?” Arthur said once the youth had passed out from the pain and Hawk was wrapping the leg up thickly to limit the limb’s movements. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Repairs are expensive,” Hawk replied. “I saw what was wrong, and made the decision that slow medicine was good. Even if I did use it, there was a chance the magic could numb the pain, but make his leg remain that angle until I broke it back into place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur cringed. “That’s… happened before?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really did not pay attention to the lessons Lady Lana gave us,” Hawk sighed. “So eager to get your sword…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I got the job done.” Arthur replied, before going back to sorting the tinctures Hawk asked him to look through. Since his wounds and general exhaustion was dealt with, the other man had been sent to work. “They didn’t need me for healing, and I wanted to be on the battlefield.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the first time they had really talked in-depth about the past, and that brought further memories back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... What happened to your horse?” Hawk remembered it, a coal-black gelding that had gotten the affectionate nickname of Soot.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur was quiet for a little bit. “I sold him, after the Agustria campaign. I didn’t have enough money to keep him fed and housed, so I did what I thought would be the best option. Besides, I’m used to walking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk frowned. “... If you were worried about money, you could have sent word to the Empress.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if you were hungry, would you have written to your lord?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... He is not my lord anymore,” Hawk replied. “But, you make a fair point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Arthur answered, and they left it at that.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Arthur spent the rest of winter with Hawk doing similar duties: assisting him with patients and upkeep for a bed and meals. Hawk was surprised how out of his depth Arthur was with most menial tasks, and teased him lightly about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t really lived under a roof regularly since I was nine,” Arthur told him matter of factly. “There was this seamstress in my home village that let me stay with her sometimes, but after she died I just tagged along with merchant caravans. I could do magic, and I could fight, so that was how I earned my keep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk did not tease about that again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only thing that really stood out from their quiet coexistence were their night terrors. Hawk experienced Arthur shaking him awake a handful of times, having to calm him down until the images of a dragon’s horrible maw coming towards him stopped. Arthur’s however, were more physical. He would throw himself off the bed and make horrible snarling noises, sometimes forcing Hawk to gag him so he wouldn’t bite at his arms and tear open old wounds. It happened rarely, but when it did, it was horrible. Hawk returned to the libraries and attempted to do research. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first few meetings were unsuccessful, but he pestered the librarian enough to continue looking through their archives for such symptoms, and if they related to the bloodlines of Thrud or Fjalar. On his last trip, he ran into someone unexpected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir Diarmuid,” Hawk bowed in respect. Though Ares was king, Diarmuid handled much of the more delicate affairs in the regrouped dominion. He spent far more time in Agusty than Nordion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Hawk.” Diarmuid smiled. “How are you doing? Do you require any supplies?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we’re good until the thaw comes,” Hawk then paused. Diarmuid was one of the only soldiers in the Liberation Army Arthur had seemed to be on good terms with. Why hadn’t he thought of it before? “Actually, there is something I can ask of you… Arthur ended up at my door. If it is not much trouble, could you stop by for a visit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Diarmuid’s eyes widened. “Arthur is back? Last time he sent word he was all the way in Madino. That rascal, not stopping by.” He touched Hawk’s arm in a comforting gesture. “Come with me to the stables, I have the afternoon free, and we can all catch up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Based on the easy grin and way Arthur wrapped an easy arm around Diarmuid’s shoulders, him visiting was a fantastic idea. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Lara,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I apologize for not writing to you as much as I should have. Things have gotten more lively with my new lodger. Diarmuid also comes by often, and whenever he and Arthur go out to get a drink, or go for an afternoon ride, I can’t always find the proper excuse. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yet, despite being a third wheel (another phrase for your collection), it is possibly the most normal my life has felt in a long while. The war was the war, and in Silesse I tried to keep my hands busy, as a way to be useful. It was the same when I stayed in Agusty proper. I have lived here for over a year, yet I never tried to explore what made it unique. I’ve since tried vintages I never thought I would, and learned more and more recipes from my neighbors, even if I still stick to the tried and true garbure. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It feels like here, I am learning more about what I like and dislike? I like going to taverns and listening to music, but I am not fond of long horseback rides. There is someone else who seems to understand my nightmares like you do, but it is so much more difficult to talk about them with Arthur than with you. Maybe I had a limited perspective, or maybe it was this underlying thought about all this being what I deserved. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am starting to think that maybe a life of just survival is not the only life I have to lead. I’m sure this sounds silly to you in many different ways, but it is simply how I feel. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Anyway, please tell me how it is in Miletos, and all the ups and downs of your life in the next letter. I cannot be the only one pouring out incessant thoughts.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Your friend,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hawk </span>
  </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Arthur was invited to a hunting party during one of the holidays Agustria celebrated, so Hawk took his letters to post and went to enjoy some time with Jeanne, who wanted to enjoy the festivities out of the rowdy barracks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, if I had asked for more furlough time I could have gone to Silvail to visit Tristan,” Jeanne sighed. “Maybe even taken a pilgrimage to Bragi Tower. Have you ever seen it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk did, in fact, travel to the westernmost tip of Agustria to see that monument. At the time, he had half-hoped that his body would burst to flames once he stepped in that holy place, as his blood and upbringing were anathema to it. That, obviously, had not happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have, though I sadly did not find anything remarkable about it save for the view.” Hawk responded. “Apologies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No worries, it is more of a Bragi church thing,” Jeanne replied. The two of them got some warm cider from a vendor and continued to walk. “You know, you seem to be happier lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I?” Hawk laughed, then took another sip of his drink. “Perhaps it’s the beverage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you can’t blame your spirit on… spirits,” Jeanne replied, then snorted. “But haven’t you noticed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have. It’s just strange,” Hawk rubbed the back of his head. “My mother mentioned it as well, in her recent letters. Even if the only thing I told her was that I had a new assistant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm,” Jeanne tilted her head up. “I didn’t really grow up with a mother, so maybe it is some sort of intuition. Or you’re easier to read than you think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmph, says the captain who once begged me to make her a hangover cure so she wouldn’t vomit on some poor cadets--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You owe me another herb sachet for bringing that up.” Jeanne groused into her mug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk returned home just before the sun had begun to set. The cider had kept him warm and comforted for the journey, but once inside he worked quickly to get a fire going. Arthur and Diarmuid had not returned yet: probably to drown their sorrows because of their lack of success on their hunt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once a good flame was set, Hawk noticed he forgot to close his letter box. Odd, but not that much. He went to store it away, when the unopened letter appeared again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He picked it up and turned it between his fingers again, stroking his thumb across the dried ink. He was still not strong enough to open it, but maybe he was now strong enough to let it go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk cast the letter into the fire, watching the edges burn and crackle, until there was nothing left but unreadable scraps that he poked into ash with the stoker. He was still gazing into the flames when there was a loud thud at the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawk! Come outside!” Arthur yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Hawk replied. “It better be good for you to let in a draft--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a very, very large deer carcass in front of his door, with Diarmuid and Arthur grinning in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to feast for weeks!” Arthur crowed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had to set up a few torches, and spend the rest of the evening properly butchering the creature and preparing to cure and dry most of its goods. This was not an area of Hawk’s expertise, but Arthur and Diarmuid seemed to have a handle on it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was surprising how you were able to catch him, Arthur.” Diarmuid said. “I never would have assumed the trap would work on an animal this size.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur grinned in a way he would have rubbed his nose doing if his hands weren’t shoved into some intestines. “Oh, I’ve caught reindeer with that trick before. You just have to lead them to it and as long as they don’t jump too high-- bam, a broken leg, and then quickly finish them off so they don’t suffer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sounds like quite a hunt.” Hawk commented. “You both did well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should come with us next time!” Diarmuid said, and Hawk knew Diarmuid was the kind of man that meant it. It was surprising when Arthur’s shoulder bumped against his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, what Dia said,” Arthur replied. “You should.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk smiled. That was kind of them both, but he didn’t want to be a burden. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, but no thank you. Better that I’m here to assist butchering than fall off a horse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur scowled, but didn’t press further, and they continued their work, while Diarmuid and Arthur continued to chat and reminisce. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was so clear now how good Diarmuid was for Arthur. His presence seemed to temper Arthur’s more abrupt emotional outbursts, and though Arthur still stuck close to the cottage save for their outings, his face brightened when he saw Diarmuid. Though they did not speak of it in his presence, Hawk had a feeling there was more there than friendship. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was happy for both of them, he couldn’t be happier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So why did he feel a creeping sense of loneliness?</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Hawk continued to exchange letters with Lara up until the merchant caravan continued on their route. Winter turned to spring and then turned to summer when one morning Arthur shook him awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Hawk said, blinking his eyes awake. It was early enough that the sun hadn’t yet started to shine through the one window in the cottage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to show you a place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This early?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s why I woke you up, stupid. Come on, I packed breakfast and everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took two hours to move from the farming lands to the thicker forests that were near the slope of the valley. Hawk wondered if perhaps Arthur traveled further from the cottage than he thought, and even though they left before dawn, he began to sweat in the growing humidity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They reached the clearing just as the sun hit the tops of the trees, and Hawk had to stop for a moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The trees were covered in beautiful white blossoms that brought in a mellow scent, stray petals falling in a nearby stream, and when the sun hit, it looked like everything was glistening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did not think he had ever seen a place as beautiful as this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur’s hand wrapped around his wrist in a surprisingly gentle gesture, urging him to sit under one of the trees. “Come on, it’ll stay cooler if we sit by the water.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had their breakfast ---which was surprisingly good, Arthur was a fast learner-- and remained quiet, simply enjoying the scenery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until Hawk ruined it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised you didn’t invite Diarmuid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur’s eyebrows scrunched together, not following his thoughts. “Why would I invite him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you two… you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t,” Arthur replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk sighed. “You don’t need to hide it from me, you know. I think you would work well together.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...” Arthur looked at him with a mix of hurt and fury that Hawk never would have expected. Hawk had made a mistake, but he was unaware how, and Arthur stood up before he could find the words. “You’re full of shit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran from the clearing, leaving Hawk in the wake of a half-eaten breakfast and unuttered apologies. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It took Hawk near sunset to find his way back home, relieved that most of Arthur’s things were still there… but Hawk’s own Lightning tome was missing from the cupboard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Agusty had a fighting arena. He had never stepped foot in it, but he knew of its existence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he sat down, Mend Staff at the ready, and waited. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur returned smelling of blood, a cloyingly sweet scent, and with his eyes near glowing in the candlelight. Before he can get up, Arthur set on him, knocking him back to the ground and sending them both to it, hard. Teeth latched onto Hawk’s shoulder, and Hawk felt a rush of panic. Arthur had never really injured him in one of his dazes, but would this be it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to throw Arthur off, until the other man’s body began to shake on top of him. Where there was once pain, Hawk began to feel his shoulder grow damp. He couldn’t see his face, but Hawk saw as his mop of hair shuddered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he… crying?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk’s hands hesitated and then began to rub up and down Arthur’s back. Hawk heard him choke out a sob. His hands only stopped when Arthur’s jaw relaxed, and the entire front of Hawk’s tunic felt sticky from blood and tears. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The weeks after that encounter were... awkward. Neither attempted to talk to one another, afraid of what the other will say, will ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even though Hawk was not exiled, he felt like he had lost another place that he felt like he had belonged. Instead of fleeing to another country however, he threw himself into studying, and one day came across an entry, from a copy of Hezul’s journal during the first holy war. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The gods spoke of a curse, similar yet different from the one placed on Empress Galle… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The blood and weapons bestowed on us would give unparalleled potential and power, but if used too ardently, could lead to madness. I hear a murmuring in my dreams, only sated by blood on Mystletainn’s blade. Bragi wakes of, screaming to us of doom, and Thrud clutches Mjolnir in his sleep, saying it is the only thing that wards him from Vajra’s wrath--</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk stood up, and immediately headed for the merchant’s. It would not be Mjolnir, but some affinity of some kind could help Arthur with his nightmares, to stop him from running himself to ruin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All he could afford was a simple Thunder tome, but he hoped it could do something.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“... What is that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was looking in the library, and I saw something that might explain why you are driven to look for battles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur looked more confused. “Are you mocking me--?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s not---” Hawk pulled out the copy he nicked from the library, resting it beside him. “This isn’t me nagging you about the arenas or for you to control your temper. This is me trying, and-- and probably failing to try and make sure you don’t disappear from my life and then the last thing I hear about you is that you died in a ditch somewhere--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the words began to come, they did not stop. It was the most he had spoken to Arthur in weeks, but he had to get it out, for Arthur’s sake. Hawk knew, trapped in this flurry of emotions inside him, that he didn’t want to live in a world without this reckless, brash fool of a man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawk, look at me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-- When did he move to the other side of the table? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... I’m looking.” He replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you are,” Arthur’s blue eyes shimmered in a weird way. Not like in battle, where they crackled with energy, or when he was locked in a night terror. How they looked now was different. “I want you to keep looking at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hand cupped Hawk’s cheek, and brought him into a kiss. And everything slotted into place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he moved away, Hawk’s lips were still parted, mouth trying to catch up with his mouth. “... You…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like you,” Arthur replied. “I probably more than like you. That alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Yeah,” Hawk raised his own hand to hold Arthur’s cheek, for once finding it better not to use more words. “More than alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kissed again, then again, and again, until they somehow got to the floor, and began removing clothes. Arthur’s mouth pressed against his bare shoulder, hesitating before Hawk tugged his hair to urge him forward. He used to dream and fear teeth, of jaws that would swallow him whole. But that fear ebbed with every kiss, every caress against his skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arthur’s warmth enveloped his back as he sucked and bit along his neck and shoulders, rutting his hips against Hawk’s rear while his hand palmed between Hawk’s legs. Hawk felt heady pleasure build inside him, and he parted his thighs so Arthur’s cock slid right under his to rub, watching in almost strange fascination as his head slid between them, until, for a brief and beautiful moment, his sight shattered as he was rocked with pleasure. They worked each other into a frenzy more akin to animals than men.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet, when they laid on the floor covered with the signs of what they did with Arthur murmuring words that sounded something like “love”, Hawk’s heart felt lighter than it ever had before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched the sun set in a place he was meant to be. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Hawk,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I send you this with happy news: the caravan decided to stop in Agusty for the harvest season! I don’t care if you have to tend to some old dotty on their deathbed, I have to see you. I want to meet this Arthur you rave about so much, and I also have someone I would like you to meet. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Make sure to wear your best outfit, and if you don’t have any other outfit besides the one on your back, I will bring you one myself. I may love you, but that doesn’t mean I will not go to drastic measures for you to look decent in public.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lara </span>
  </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Hold still--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You retied my hair a dozen times since this morning,” Arthur said, swatting his hand away. “You’re never going to get all the hair on my head through it unless I go bald.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk couldn’t help but laugh, but then quickly frowned. “You would be doing the same thing if you were introducing Lady Tine to me as your… your…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My…?” Arthur leaned back, resting his head against his shoulder with a telltale grin that he had when he knew he was going to sucker Hawk into a public display of affection. “Boyfriend? Life partner? Lover? Husband? Husband sounds good~”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk turned his head away, face turning red at a rapid pace, but his hands still rested on Arthur’s waist so he wouldn’t fall back and tumble to the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am quite the husband to deal with my husband’s incessant teasing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawk felt a flash of triumph as Arthur pulled away, the hand over his face doing nothing to cover his own blush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next moment, Hawk heard his name being called from the other end of the marketplace, and he smiled when he saw a young lady waving at him, before cutting through the crowd. Despite the heavy silks she wore to show her status as an accomplished dancer, she moved through the crowd with the finesse of a pickpocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What surprised him the most was the person beside her, and how looking at her brought back a strange sense of familiarity, despite the last time they met being when they were small.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two really do have the same nose,” Arthur said, and Hawk laughed, even if his eyes had grown hot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawk, may I introduce to you my new apprentice,” Lara said, and the girl beside her smiled with giddy and nervous energy. “Hermina of Silesse. However, I have a suspicion you know each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not as well as either of us would like,” Hawk said, before he bowed to his little sister. “Hello, Hermina.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hawk!” And it was then that Hawk was pulled into an embrace that took over fifteen years waiting. </span>
</p>
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